February, 1998 Updated, November 22, 2005
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Feb. 2 Feb. 4 Feb. 10 Feb. 16 Feb. 18 Feb. 21
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
This year's starting off with quite a bang. Hopefully, 1998 will continue and prove to be a better year than it's started out as.
"With A Little Luck"
First it's my car getting towed-- now my phone gets disconnected.
I'm actually connecting to the net thru my roommate's phoneline- and they have no idea I'm doing it.. tee hee ;-) But the worst thing of all is that I can't make or receive calls on my own line. And so if anyone has tried to call me in the last few days, they are greeted with the message that "XXX-XXXX has been temporarily disconnected". How nice that must sound to them. I'm really embarrassed. It is, of course, my own stupid fault that this happened. I haven't been able to keep up with the bills since I moved- I still had an oustanding balance from my Kenosha phone, and of course, once you apply that to the balances you ring up here, it adds up to a lot of dough. Well, now I'm in a real jam, and I have to pay off this balance before I can get my phone reconnected.
Luckily, there is a silver lining. I get a bonus check in less than two weeks (The less, the better!) so hopefully this will be cleared up VERY soon. But until then, I'm going to be hurting. I can't be using this phone line all the time like I did when I had my own-- and somehow I need to contact people and let them know that they CAN still get in touch with me, even if my personal line is down.
My main concern, though I'm starting to lose hope with him, is Joe, (The Fusion Guy). I think he's avoiding me anyway- Since my car incident, he probably thinks I'm an irresponsible twit, and wants nothing to do with me. Either that or he's a player and has someone else already. That wouldn't surprise me-- I mean, really... history does have a way of proving my luck with men, you know.
"Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes"
I finally gave Suba.com the boot. What a crummy server they were. NO support, no reliability. I guarantee they'll be out of business in no time. They gave me buggy software that massively messed up my computer (It still hasn't recovered from it), and most days when I'd try to sign on I'd either get busy signals, or would connect, but not be able to do anything at all. All this for the low, low price of $18.00 a month. Yeah right- I had enough. I'm now a proud member of ExecPC, a server that started in Milwaukee, WI and is now expanded to Chicago. I know some people who have used it and still do, and they say it's great- so why not? Let's see how this one goes... and of course, with that change, my E-mail address has changed as well. It is now: rickilo@execpc.com . Drop me a line ;-)
"Look At Me, I'm Sandra Dee"
OK so I couldn't think of anything else... hehe but I have some new pictures scanned of lil' ol' me ;-) along with some pictures from my New Year's Eve party! Click here to see them on my "Pictures of Me" page!
That's all for now- stop by again soon!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"I Will Remember You"
What must it feel like to lose the love of your life?
I don't just mean to lose them to someone else, or because of some circumstance beyond your control... I'm talking about death.
I just got done watching the story about Ekaterina Gordeeva and Sergei Grinkov. The ice skaters.
If you've read it, you know about my story with my first boyfriend, Donnie. You know how difficult that was for me to get over, and how much I still care about him.
That doesn't compare to what Ekaterina Gordeeva went through. She lost her best friend, her childhood chum, her partner, her husband; her child's father. She lost the one person who made her life complete. And she lost him so quickly-- so early. So painfully. Who can imagine what kind of pain that must be? Who can imagine the suffering that one goes through day in and day out following that ordeal? Who can imagine never being able to forget watching their lover die right in front of their eyes?
No matter what happens in my search for love and happiness, I hope I never, ever have to witness that kind of event. To go through that kind of ordeal, and be in the spotlight as she is, Ekaterina Gordeeva is one very strong woman. But her message burns deeper than any sorrow, any remorse, or any sympathy you may be able to give her. She has one message through all of it, and she makes it very clear at the end of the program. "Never let a moment pass without taking the time to tell someone you love that you love them. Don't miss an opportunity to do that. Because you never, ever know which time might be the last."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"FRUSTRATION!"
I finally got my bonus check yesterday. It was enough to cover all the nasty debts that I've had building up lately, so it was a most WELCOME sight! And not only did I get that, but I also got a reimbursement check, and I got paid on the preceding Friday. So I have a little money in my bank account, finally.
The most important debt that I paid off was my phone bill. I figured I'd get it cleaned up and things would be back to normal.
HA!!!!!!!!!!!
I couldn't be more wrong. Ameritech, in all their immortal wisdom, decided to completely disconnect my phone. So it is going to cost me another $50 to get it reconnected. Hey, anything for a buck, right?
Well fine, they would let me spread that over five months, so it won't cost me that much initially. I agreed to that and they told me my phone would be reconnected within 2 to 4 hours. (Not 24, but two to four).
Six hours pass. My phone is still not on. At seven hours I call Ameritech back to see what the problem is. I talk to a lady in Customer Relations and she says she can't understand what the problem may be. So she says she will talk to Installation services. She puts me on hold and I wait.
The answer she gave me sent me into a tirade unlike any I have ever been in. She said that I was misinformed, that instead of taking 2-4 hours, they will have to send a representative out to my apartment and check the lines as if it were a new installation, and the next time that someone would be able to come out was next week on the 18th.
I flipped. By now I had waited an entire day, spent a lot of money, and I STILL don't have a phone. Yeah, sure, I was delinquent in paying and I am fully aware of that. But the bill has been paid, and I still don't have service. And worst of all, I need the phone for work, and without it, I am greatly hindered. So I raised holy Hell. I was pissed off. And she certainly knew it. I felt badly that I went off on her, because it truly wasn't her fault. And I did apologize for that. But she understood my frustration and she was calm throughout. I imagine I'm not the only one who has gone off like that. Boy, those reps must take beating.
Anyway, I asked to talk to someone in the Installation department, but of course by that time they had just closed (lucky me). So I have to call back at 7am to speak to someone there, and you can certainly bet that I will be calling. It just doesn't make any sense to me at all why they have to come all the way out here and look at my line, when it is obviously working just fine, just as it did before they shut it off. It just amazes me what they do to milk more money out of you. I have no idea what my conversation will be like tomorrow, but I have a feeling I'm going to get agitated again.
I wish I wouldn't get like that, but lately it just seems like everything happens just to piss me off. And in so doing, I get pissed off. And when I get pissed, I get VERY pissed. And it only happens in instances like this. I should have more self-control when it comes to these situations. I certainly wouldn't want anyone to go off on me like that. *sigh*. Live and learn I guess.
"Baby You Can Drive My Car"
At least I got some GOOD NEWS today! My car arrived at the office! WHOO HOO! I finally will be getting rid of this nasty black Chevy Corsica that I have presently. The thing runs like crap and it looks even worse. Of course, I haven't washed it once since I got it. The new car is a 1998 Plymouth Breeze. It is green, close to the color of the background on this screen, (which was close to the color of my old Pontiac which I still miss) and it's NEW! I can't wait to get into it. I should be able to pick it up tomorrow, but I will probably not get it until Friday. We'll see how tomorrow goes. I may take tomorrow as an office day and work in the field on Friday instead. Whichever I choose, I get it THIS WEEK! :-)
"UNHappy Valentines' Day"
I hate the holiday.
Someone asked me again today if I was doing anything for Valentine's Day. I said "You've gotta be kidding." I could care less if the day even happens. My friend Dave and I were thinking of going to Madison for the weekend, seeing as how we are both single this year (Nothing different for me, but different for him).
What do you guys who are single do for Valentine's Day, when you're single like me? What do you do to try to blot the day out of your mind, or do you? Maybe I'm the only one... but somehow I doubt it. E-mail me at rickilo@execpc.com and tell me what your plans are. Give me some ideas!
I'm going to go and get myself ready for bed. I hate not having a phone of my own. Chris's girlfriend called, and interrupted my online flirtations ;-) So now I have to wait for them to talk before I can sign back on. *Sigh*. Life is a bitch isn't it?
Later all.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Beep Beep, Beep Beep, YEAH!"
I got my car!!! ;-)
It is really nice to have a car that doesn't smell like cigarettes! This one smells NEW NEW NEW and I love it! OK so it's a 4-cylinder that sounds more like a lawn mower than a car, but it's new, it's pretty and it's got under 300 miles on it.. Tee hee! I'm pretty happy with that.
"Dates and Stuff"
I know I haven't said much about my dating life lately. I just haven't felt that there was much to share. Though I have had some interesting escapades lately-- and they are starting to wear on me. I can't continue just sleeping with every guy I meet. This has got to stop. I have had some great encounters and dates, but it seems everyone wants to hop in the sack, and I'm not sure I want to be doing that anymore... there's too much crap going on in this world, with STD's running rampant around the community and such. You really have to be careful about who and what you are doing. It scares me how much I've been playing the field lately. I think it's time for a bit of retirement-- not so much forever, but for a time. Time to explore some new horizons... get involved in new things. I want to join a gym. That'll be one change for the better. Then I want to get involved in some type of activity, be it a chorus, or a theatre group or something. I just want to do something away from the bars. Maybe with an influx of new people and new ideas, I can become a better person. I just don't know if I really like who I am lately. I'm not all about bars and sleeping around. I never have been in the past, and I don't want to be in the future. There has to be more out of life than that. I need to explore and find out what else there is for me.
"Come Summer!!"
Today was a BEAUTIFUL day. It was in the 50's (it HAD to be, it was so warm) and sunny, and everyone treated it as if it were summer. I can't wait to get my bike down here from Kenosha and start riding along the lakefront. I'd always seen people doing that, and have always wanted to join in. I figure I'll put a bike rack on my car and drive it down near the lakefront, then park it and get on the bike and ride. I love riding my bike- it's so free and fun to do... and it's great exercise! Anyone need a buddy to go biking with this summer? I'd be more than happy to join ya! E-mail me! rickilo@execpc.com
Til later
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Take Me Out To The Ballgame"
It might be... It could be... IT IS!!!!!! Cubs Win! Cubs Win!
Harry Caray died today. It wasn't much of a shock. He had an attack a few days ago and they kept saying his condition wasn't good, and each day that passed, it got worse and worse.
Harry was baseball. There isn't any other way of putting it. He personified it. He wasn't just an announcer, he was a fan. And he was THE Fan of fans. As a kid, I remember Harry Caray when he announced the Chicago White Sox games. I wasn't really a White Sox fan, but I listened because I liked to listen to Harry Caray. I liked to hear him sing "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" during the 7th Inning stretch, and it always intrigued me that instead of singing "Home Team", like the song was written, he would sing "White Sox". Even at only 6 or 7 years of age, I thought that was great, because I knew that Harry was really a fan, not just the guy calling the game.
Then in 1982 he joined the Chicago Cubs. At first I was upset, because as much as I liked him, I liked Jack Brickhouse and his immortal "Hey! Hey!" just as much, if not more. I was, after all, a Cub fan, and that was what Cub fans had heard for the last 30-something years. Now we were going to have the White Sox guy announcing Cub games?? How could that be???
Well, it could be, and it was. And it became not just a novelty, but a phenomenon. And the fans LOVED it. And the nation loved it. And Harry ended up loving it too. He realized just how devoted the fans of the Cubs really are. He fell in love with them, and they fell in love with him, coming to see him more than even the game that the ballpark exists for in the first place.
Harry was a poet-- certainly not a Edgar Allen Poe, or a Thornton Wilder, even. But he had a way of weaving the magic of baseball into everyone's lives- without a single hesitation or second thought. He spoke his mind- whatever was on it, you heard it. If a ball dropped, Harry groaned. If a home run won the game for the other team, Harry said "Well that's it." Harry was on your side. He cared what you felt about the game, because he felt the same way. He wanted the Cubs to win just as much as we did- and if they didn't, he truly was disappointed.
Harry loved the fans. He never turned one away, no matter how tired, how sick, or how rushed he was. Everything he did was for them, and the fans knew it. And they loved him even more because of it. When he'd walk into the old press room, he'd be walking behind them, and while he'd walk, he'd wave to all the fans in the grandstands. And he'd not only walk, but he'd talk to them too. I remember this because I was down there a few times, waving at him frantically.
I was a Cubs fan before Harry Caray came to Wrigely Field. I was born that way. But Harry Caray helped the Cubs to run in my bloodstream. He helped me to love not only the Cubs but the game of baseball. He made me love to stand up and sing with pride every 7th inning, and he made me appreciate the glory of the game itself, even when things were grim and seasons were cut short for unthinkable reasons.
How old was he? Who knows? Who cares? His enthusiasm was ageless. His energy was endless, and his effect on baseball- timeless. His legacy will live on, and it'll be a long time before a season of baseball will be played without a Carey behind the mike, calling the shots.
Wrigley Field was around for many years before Harry graced its ivy-covered walls. But it will be a lonely place, now that his immortal voice has left our world.
The Cubs will play, and games will be won, and lost.
Fans will continue to come to the park
Kids will continue to eat hot dogs and wear oversized Cub caps.
The 7th Inning Stretch will continue to include "Take Me Out To The Ballgame"
And somehow, as the opening strains of that song come piping thru from the ballpark organ, devoted fans will always be able to hear him shout, "Alright! Lemme Hear Ya! A-One, A-Two, A-Three..."
I'll miss ya Harry.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"News Flash!"
I've been published!
Yes, that's right, I had something of mine in print recently- and you probably just read it a minute ago. I sent the above eulogy about Harry Caray to the editor of the Chicago Tribune, and they published a small snippet of it! The line they printed was:
"How old was he? Who knows? Who cares? His enthusiasm was ageless. His energy was endless, and his effect on baseball- timeless. His legacy will live on, and it'll be a long time before a season of baseball will be played without a Carey behind the mike, calling the shots."
I went out on Friday to meet someone (more on that later) and after that I went to find a paper, and when I got home and read it I nearly flipped out of my seat... There it was, in the "Voice of the People" column, second to last in an entire column of Harry Caray tributes. I called my dad to tell him about it, and of course he hadn't read it, but got up immediately to see. He was pretty impressed. I was so proud, I cut out the entire column and stuck it to our refrigerator and, with black marker, drew arrows to my paragraph. You'd think I had published my first NY Times Best Seller. :-)
"It's Darkest Just Before Dawn"
Just when you think everything is at its bleakest point, a bright spot appears and makes you think, "Ya know, maybe all hope ISN'T lost..."
On Thursday night, I was on America Online, browsing the chat rooms as I usually do, wading through the countless sex proposals (you wouldn't believe some of the sickos on there) and offers for kiddie porn (Yes, they are still there), hoping for someone who would actually like to, heaven forbid- CHAT with!
Well, it was proving a feeble attempt, but I plodded onward, until I saw someone with a screen name that intrigued me. The screen name translated to mean "RealChicago"- so I asked him, "How real are you?"
Well, it turned out that he was pretty real, indeed. We had a very intelligent, rather deep, and quite meaningful conversation. We talked about a LOT of things, some things I had not talked to anyone about yet, and some things he had never said to anyone, either. It was like a strange rapport was building between us, and we had only been chatting for a couple of hours. I sent him my picture, and he responded that he really thought I was cute- however he did not have one. I didn't care though- I liked what I could "see" through his IM's and how honest and forthright he was being. We decided to meet at Borders' Book store on Michigan Avenue the next day for about an hour, but he had to leave for a dinner party afterward.
We met at 7:30pm at Border's on Friday. We had agreed to meet in the coffee shop. I got there first, and looked around the place to see if I could find someone that matched his description. Not finding him, I got a Cafe Mocha and sat down. After 15 minutes, my coffee was done, so I looked for a book to page through. I found one about San Francisco sights- figuring it was appropriate. I paged through it, keeping my eyes open. There was a guy sitting a few tables in front of me who had the same hair color as this guy, but the rest of his stats didn't add up. Plus, he was kinda creepy and kept looking over at me. I almost wanted to face the other direction, but then the guy would never have found me, and vice versa.
At the same moment I almost got up to leave, I saw someone that could be him. He walked in, walked right past me, but looked me dead in the eyes as he did. He moved on, searched through the place, then walked out. I saw him check his watch, look a little frustrated, then start to saunter through the store. I decided it had to be him, so I got up and followed him, being sure not to seem like I was 'stalking' him.
He went up to the CD store, so I followed him there. He saw me, walked past, then turned around. We looked at each other and said each others' names. It was him!
We sat down in some chairs and started talking... and immediately, we connected. We connected about our lives, our experiences, coming out, first boyfriends-- everything. The conversation crackled and was continuous- and when it was time for him to leave, we both didn't want it to end. But it had to. We made our way downstairs and as he left, he gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. I was a bit stunned so I didn't reciprocate-- but I wanted to :-)
Cut to tonight.
I sent him my phone number in an E-mail and he called me. He has plans to see a movie and have dinner with some friends, but he really wants to see me again. We agree to talk tonight and make plans for this week.
He calls at about 11:30 PM and asks if maybe we can go for coffee somewhere? I say yes! Stop by here and pick me up and we'll go out around here.
He arrives, and we find a place in Wicker Park, but it's closed! So, I offer to go back to my apartment and we'll just make coffee and talk there.
We get back here, and instead of coffee, we share a Diet Coke and put on the radio in the living room. Scott and Brad come out (nosy dorks) and meet him, and then saunter back into Scott's room.
Again, the conversation is good, the vibes are good, and we have a natural comfort for each other. Eventually we become closer and we're holding hands. Then, a kiss... and another... and then... it continues.
Chris and Melanie come home from a party and meet him. They venture off, and we're alone again.
I must tell you, this was the most romantic evening I have ever had with a guy. The music was great, the mood was great and he was great. All we did was talk, make out a little bit, (O.K., a LOT!) and cuddle. Too bad we didn't build a fire, that would have added even MORE to the moment-- but we didn't want to go that far on only the-- I guess you could say-- second date! ;-)
He went home at about 4:00 AM- and we agreed that we would see each other again- VERY soon.
I'm pretty happy right now :-) :-) :-)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Return to: Rcktman's Launching Pad Rcktman.com